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Embroidered flowing jacket, £49.99

This  is a very clever jacket from Zara. It is a jacket, so it is fitted and flattering, but it also has large, bell sleeves, which are so on the money at the moment BUT the sleeves stop billowing at your elbow, so will not drag in your smashed avocado or catch in car doors

The long frill at the bottom also skims over your … I hesitate to say “mum tum” because my husband always comes skipping along shrieking “mum tum!” at me in falsetto and flapping his hands whenever I use the phrase in writing, but that’s what it is I suppose. Unless you’re not a mum, in which case it skims over your tum tum.

They have styled this very badly on the website so ignore that – you will look excellent in this and a pair of denim cut-offs IF IT EVER WARMS UP.

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Tweed dress with layered skirt, £49.99

This dress you will have dismissed as for supermodels only, but it is not! What it’s good for is if you have quite a lot of boobs and bum but respectable middle and alright legs and desperately long to look “gamine”. That’s me. I have the exterior of a blow up doll but the interior monologue of Twiggy. Or perhaps Twiggy and Jean Shrimpton. There’s probably enough room for Audrey Hepburn to squeeze in there, too.

Anyway this dress is nice thick material, won’t cling too badly, skims over your hips and the big black bow draws attention away from your giant knockers.

And if you’re thinking: this dress is too smart, I do not have anywhere to wear this dress – you just need to think about wearing it with a black leather jacket and black boots and then I think you’ll find it’s acceptable evening wear to pretty much anywhere. OR put it with a smart pair of heels and a black jacket and it’s off to the ball with you, my dear.